Posing as “Hippie-chic”

Sometimes I get bored at work *ahem* take a break at work, and participate in stalkerbook. The thing is, I really do stalk.  I read strangers’ profiles. Ie: the random girl who’s dating the dude I had a lit class with sophmore year and he tried to profess his love by giving me a book of E.E. Cummings on the last day of class. Yeah bitch, I was on your facebook today looking at pictures of your labradoodle. uh huh.

I noticed a trend among the profiles of some (not all!) of my fellow married women.

trend #1: you use your bridal portrait as a profile pic. It’s cheesy, but I’ll give you that one. I mean, a girl spends a ridiculous amount of energy looking hot for her wedding. (no snarky feminist statements about this right now. I promise.) You find a hot dress, great makeup, you work out for a few months… I don’t blame any girl for wanting one of her hottest photos as a profile picture. I mean, you actually pay someone to take your picture instead of going with whatever uncle bob happens to snap of you. (side note- I had my friends take pictures with disposable cameras at my wedding, I highly recommend this to anyone planning a reception because you get some fantastic drunkie moments most professional photographers have the decency to not photograph!)

trend #2 under interests on your profile put: “my sweet husband” or something equally cheesy. Ladies, puh-leeze… don’t be emasculating like that unless you are being sarcastically emasculating on purpose! I don’t know about some of the boys out there, but if you were to ask A what one adjective he would like me to use when referring to him as my husband, I don’t think he would ever say sweet. EVER. Don’t misinterpret me here, he is definitely kind and all the things sweet connotes; but if I were to ask him how I should describe him when reduced to one of my “interests” (right next to skateboarding and old episodes of One Tree Hill), I think he’d rather be referred to as “badass husband that will cut you” or “raging manly sex machine husband” not “sweet”. Haha, like I would put any of that on my facebook profile.

Trend #3 You Upload your wedding Album onto facebook.  PLEASE PLEASE keep doing that!  Nothing distracts me from boredom like looking at strangers’ wedding photos and imagining how much cooler it would have been if my friends had been there partying.

I like being married, But dude, that does not tell you much about me. I am a lot of other things right now: young, horny, manic-depressive, artistic, craving a brownie, etc. Moreover, A is my friend, and I will not reduce him to just a hobby on my personal webpage.

I will however, leave you with two pictures from our wedding (no shame!)

You know what two things are not alike? dish soap and laundry detergent. I mean, we’re talking about different size bottles, different smells, different weight, different types of lid…

Guess which one I just put in the dishwasher.

And anyone else who likes beating the “crap” out of things…

M and I drug our butts out of bed a little before 6 am yesterday so we could make a 5k at white rock lake. We came downstairs and stepped over the 6 people crashed in our living room that hadn’t been there when we went to bed. We made it to white rock and I am totally in love with that place! it’s clean, green, and full of people running, walking, fishing and just enjoying themselves.

After the race we hit a restaurant off 75 called Buzzbrews. If you are ever near Mockingbird and craving migas, this is the place. Breakfast-y stuff and ah-mazing bottomless coffee, which was perfect for me since several hours sans caffeine is not pretty. I know, I know, I am tragically dependent on the stuff, it probably causes cancer or free thinking or something else equally dangerous, but I LOVE IT and coffee has seen me through much of life. I will need something serious, (like baby killing or high trans-fat contents) to justify ending such an intense long term relationship.

after a few more errands, we returned to the house and had the privilege of meeting the band that H had brought home the night before. They were a fun group of folks that go by Quitzow or Setting Sun, depending on whether you feel like electro-pop or Elliot Smith. It was awesome to come home to meet a bunch of very cool people, and learn about some new music in the process. This also involved me brewing more coffee at home. French roast is great stuff, and it’s easy to share with everyone who comes over.

This afternoon I’ve downed about three cups of Panera’s bottomless coffee while trying to update my resume. Like any good gen Y-er I take breaks to surf the web (and update my blog!) So I leave you with a music video I just found by UK-er Freddie Stevenson

• He’ll take me to Taco Bueno on the scooter at 11 at night
• He always finds the good in things. For instance, he will appreciate how intelligent someone is and enjoy reading what they have to say, even if he disagrees with them.
• He doesn’t mind refilling my diet coke while he’s at the bar ordering Jack Daniels.
• When I go nuts and scream at him, he figures out what I actually need to hear, even if the two don’t seem related.
• He knows that when the alarm goes off in the morning and I punch him, that’s morning speak for “hit the snooze again will ya?”
• He is just as excited about our garden as I am.

• When I talk he listens

And the latest cool thing…

• When he decides to go to bartending school he says “hey- lets do this together!”

I stole this story from the police blotter. You can’t contrive stuff this good:

“An apartment manager reported that a man and woman took change from a clothes dryer. The couple sprayed paint on the lens of a security camera and drilled out the coin box.”[at this point a logical thinker would be asking... "If the lens of the camera was sprayed, how do we know it was only 1 man and 1 woman? how do we know the means by which they removed the coin box? are forensics really that specific?" ahh grasshopper, read on]
“However, a second security camera the couple didn’t notice recorded the crime.” [Oh. No forensics, just a college town full of idiots. Here comes my favorite part...]
“The coin box had recently been emptied and contained only about $5, according to a report.”

I’m sitting here waiting for my pumpkin oat muffins to finish baking and the house smells AH-mazing (especially amazing compared to how it normally smells). If pumpkins had pheremones, this is what they would smell like. Anywho, while i’m smelling the pumpkin love, I figured I’d recap some of my weekend..

We moved roomie number M in this weekend! Yay! Sis and I took the truck to her apartment Saturday AM. The three of us figured we’d get what we could loaded up sans big strong men. I’ll be honest, we aren’t out of shape girls, but we aren’t weight lifting champs either. Dude, I can’t tell you how proud we were to be able to cram her whole bedroom set in the back of a truck BY OURSELVES! Yes! and this feat involved carrying a bed down a flight of stairs! Bwah HAHA! we are women! hear us roar! dodge the furniture we shall hurl across the land!!!

I think sometimes I forget what I’m capable of. I like to deflect to making A carry heavy things when the need arises. But a girl doesn’t always have someone bigger than her.. and that’s when you rely on small groups of stubborn women like sis, M and I.

We celebrated the moving with some grilling and beer action, which brought this greatness into my life:

mmm, strawberry Lager. I love Abita brewing, they can do no wrong.

The next day I attended a baby shower for an acquaintance. She got some cute stuff and moreover, you could see how much support and love was present for her. I am a believer in the “it takes a whole village to raise a child” mentality, so it was way cool to see a group of people behind this kid.

Watching the array of baby supplies float across the room got me thinking. I have decided in this age where young couples have the luxury of scheduling our families, there is definitely some strategy that can be developed and SHOULD be implemented. A and I figure we could raise the most obnoxiously confident kid to ever walk the planet (if not the world’s youngest base jumper), so we will probably feel the need to have one eventually and prove ourselves right. I have begun establishing a personal strategy for this now as to allow myself as much time as possible to freak out. No worries friends… Right now life only further solidifies that we aren’t having kids anytime this decade. They scare me.

Linz’s Hippie-chic kiddo plan:

1: WAIT ’till some of your friends have popped out kiddos and they have outgrown all their infant stuff. This way you can score used stuff that friend-mom is trying to clear out of the garage to make room for the new mini van. cribs are expensive yo.

2: Day-cares are on par with one of Dante’s levels of hell… and also probably responsible for the rapid evolution of every possible bacteria. Either make sure someone can make enough to support the other parent staying home for a while, or live close enough to a relative that will want to spend working hours with your kiddo.

3: Just say no. people will harass you about when you’re going to have a brat.. most of these are people who just had kids and are secretly jealous of your motorcycle, level of beer consumption and lack of shirts covered in baby throw up. I think if you have the luxury of doing things on your own timetable then make sure it’s your timetable.

So there, my working list of standards. I like kids, sometimes. I just think that it takes a lot of character to parent well and this is personally where I’m at. In 10 years when I have a kid I’ll probably look back at this post and hopefully I’ll have a beer and make him/her some pumpkin muffins.

**To the Mommies I know out there… you are all AMAZING, and I hope one day my kid has a good a mother as your children do.

My fridge magically refilled itself with beer again! I don’t know how this works but man I love it.

funny, the assortment includes this Abita Strawberry lager

And the heavily Marketed Miller Chill

Somehow I feel like this unlikely combination kind of describes the state of my personal life right now… Interpret how you wish.

I was just startled while looking through the Victoria’s Secret online catalog. I’m not usually there to buy… I get a kick out of it for reasons like this one:

OH MY GOD! That poor model was possessed during the shoot and they just kept right on snapping away with the camera. look at her eyeballs, just stare at them for a minute and then come back….

They are ROLLING BACK INTO HER HEAD. I realize the director was probably going for a dramatic look, but to me this just says something more to the tune of “underwear model crawling from the underbelly of hades to drag me back into the abyss with her” ya know?

I am buying gas today!  and I think I’m the only idiot within 30 miles that’s actually thinking about this without dread.  I’ve been rocking the new scooter now for about 2 weeks, and oh glorious world… I’ve almost used up my gallon of gas that the tank holds.  I can fill up with a $5 and still have change left over.

I might even be a jerk about it and bitch loudly “what? FOUR DOLLARS to fill up?!?!  all I have is a FIVE… now I’ll have to buy a cheap domestic beer at the bar! gah!”

To be thankful for: 

• #1: trading the car for a scooter and….
• #2 the cheap drinks in this town